Psychic Peeping Toms
Marina, of saturness.blogspot.com/, asked this question:
“… there’s one point of your ethics I find brilliant and also follow it: “I will not do a reading to see what someone other than my client is doing or feeling.” …
When people ask me for a reading and I tell them that I will not read regarding another person’s feelings or actions, they either suddenly seem less interested in the reading, or don’t seem to take me so serious anymore… How [do] you think we can let our readers know our ethic code without make them think that we are doing that because we lack the ability.”
Thanks for this question, Marina.
Yes, I don’t want to be put into the position of being a psychic “Peeping Tom.” As I state in my book Tarot Tells the Tale –
Some Tarot readers feel that if we want to be helpful to a querent, we sometimes have to read for questions like, “Is my husband cheating on me?” While it is tempting to agree with that position, we have to consider where to draw the line with questions that seek to examine the thoughts or actions of anyone not present for the reading.
Here are a few suggestions of ways you can deal with people who ask you to do a reading to peek into the life of someone else:
1. You might say to that person, “How would you like it if someone asked me to do that to you, to do a reading to see what you are thinking, feeling, or doing?”
2. You might explain to them that being able to read the cards is a gift from the Divine (however you want to phrase that). If we abuse that gift by this sort of unethical conduct, I think we’ll be in danger of losing that gift.
3. Depending on the circumstances, I may include a spread position with a definition something like this: “What do you need to know about your boyfriend?” However, with this type of phrasing, I am leaving it up to a higher source to bring to the reading whatever answers may be fair for us to know.
Finally, consider this: If someone asks you to do a “Peeping Tom” reading, and then they become uninterested in getting a reading from you because you refuse to do so, perhaps they are doing you a favor. Do you really want to do a reading for someone who not only doesn’t respect the privacy of others, but also won’t respect your boundaries? Perhaps you’re better off not wasting your time and tainting your energy by doing a reading for this person.
Hi James
Apart from ethics, is there not a danger that the information will not be forthcoming and/or accurate because the client has some sort of bias or vested interest? I’m not sure exactly why that is “scientifically speaking” (I would like to know if anyone can tell me). When I started out, I did Joan Bunning’s online learntarot course and learnt that the question should be focussed around the seeker, or can be about something that the seeker has no vested interest in (the other question). What do you think about readings for celebrities, governments, countries etc?
I would also be wary about what I put in my code of ethics as readings invariably do involve other people to the extent that they influence a situation or a seeker.
Blessings
Helen
Oh, Helen beat me to it.
I was going to ask about your thoughts on reading for celebrities, politicians, news stories, etc. It was suggested to me, by more than one person, as a form of practice. It seemed a bit like eavesdropping, in some situations, to be reading for celebrities so I haven’t done it. What about politicians? With celebrities the news is frequently about their personal lives, romances and whatnot and that does seem like prying but with politicians it’s not usually their personal life. Does that matter? Is it an ethical violation to do a reading about a candidate to get an idea of what they are really about? Do you draw the line at only reading for someone who is sitting right there? Does is make a difference if you are doing a reading about someone or some situation just for the exercise of it and not primarily to pry?
Great topic, James!
This is something I deal with daily in my on-line readings for clients. I would say that the majority of those posing a question ask either about what someone else is thinking, doing, or feeling — or ask for a prediction of the future. It almost shocks me when someone asks for insight into their own life or what they need to do in order to move forward on their path (for example).
Helen, I really liked your comment: “Is there not a danger that the information will not be forthcoming and/or accurate because the client has some sort of bias or vested interest?” I often tell my clients that the Tarot usually reflects what is important to the Seeker far more clearly than it does other people’s thoughts or actions.
I feel that if you ask the question “what do you need to know about your husband” you are taking the risk that you’ll get exactly what they’ve asked in the first place – maybe what she most needs to know is whether he’s having an affair. At least in my reading frame of reference, I am pretty sure I can ask anything of the Universe and get a truthful answer – the question is not can I, but should I. So I don’t feel that phrasing really solves the problem.
Another option I have used over the years is to ask, “what is the best way for you to find out whether your husband is having an affair?” The cards may suggest just talking with him about it. Or maybe they’ll indicate that she already knows the answer if she could quiet her conscious thoughts and worries and listen to her intuition (High Priestess anyone?). Possibly we’ll find that a direct approach won’t work – there is some subterfuge of sorts going on or necessary to discover the truth (7 of Swords). Possibly a confrontation of some sort is coming (Tower) in which the truth will be revealed. Or maybe the truth is something unexpected (Page of Cups) and she should be open to being pleasantly surprised.
I find the clients usually pretty receptive to this – it gives them tools and a next step to pursue without violating my reading ethics. After all, it’s not going to work very well anyway for her to go to her husband and say “A tarot reader told me you were having an affair” – aside from the justifiable outrage he may feel (especially if innocent), that’s a good way to get sued.
Thank you so much for this post and for the tips on how to deal with this sort of question. I really believe that as readers we must set our boundaries and make them known prior to the reading. Because for me half of the “reading” is in the rapport you establish with your querent, but if the person disagrees with your method, or if you are working against your ethics code, chances are the communication won’t be good.
You are right – maybe not reading for this sort of people is a blessing in disguise. I think the image of the tarot reader became too associated with the “is he cheating on me” sort of thing, thanks to the movies and television… Third party readings, in my opinion, are not only made of assumptions but also talk of someone else’s thought and feelings without giving them the chance of explaining themselves. Which is dangerous, and usually counter-productive.
Wow … Lots of great responses to this post. Let me address a few of the questions raised here:
…
Helen:
Regarding your comment: “Is there not a danger that the information will not be forthcoming and/or accurate because the client has some sort of bias or vested interest?” … Good point. I would say that there is a danger that the information will be misinterpreted by the client for that very reason. Also, we Tarot readers aren’t perfect, so what if we say “I see here is that John is cheating on you!” and we are wrong? Something else to consider.
…
Helen and Ellen-Mary asked about practice readings for celebrities and politicians: Generally, I don’t find a problem with such readings because they are fundamentally different than the types of third party readings I was talking about.
Here are my reasons:
. * You aren’t interacting with people like Brad Pitt (as far as I know!) whereas your querent is going to interact with her boyfriend, for example. This makes a very big difference. So let’s say you do a reading to ask the question “Is he cheating on her?” If the reading is for Brad Pitt, there will be no impact to his life no matter what you see and no matter how accurate your reading is. The same is definitely NOT true for Jane Doe’s boyfriend.
. * Famous people have put themselves out into the glare of the public eye. This is why there are somewhat different rules regarding libel for them vs. for John Q. Public.
By the way, in my books Tarot Tells the Tale (http://www.jamesricklef.com/Book_TTTT.html) and Tarot: Get the Whole Story (http://www.jamesricklef.com/Book_TGTWS.html), all of the readings that I did for real people were for deceased people. This is because I was publishing these readings. If you’re just doing them as practice readings for you and maybe a few friends, that’s different.
…
Teresa:
If we ask the cards “Is her husband cheating on her?” I think we are being presumptuous and intentionally prying. On the hand, I believe that if we ask a question like, “What does she need to know about her husband?” we are being more humble and are allowing the Universe to give us whatever information IT deems is necessary. And it may be that the Universe says, “She really needs to know that this guy is cheating on her.” I must point out, however, that I don’t recall ever getting that kind of answer in a reading; I typically get more generalized information. Then again, I usually try to work with the querent to rephrase the question in an even more productive way, such as “What do you need to know about your relationship?” … or “How can you heal your relationship?” since there must be some sort of wounding there (perhaps an old wound within the querent’s psyche) or else s/he wouldn’t be here asking this sort of question.
Your warning about being wary of comments in a reading for which you may be sued is a good point though. One way that many readers get around this is to post a disclaimer to the effect that “readings are for entertainment purposes only.”
…
Marina:
Your point that “Third party readings [don't give the other person] the chance of explaining themselves.” is a very good one. Unfortunately, the type of people you were talking about generally won’t find that argument to be compelling because if they cared about giving the other person a chance to state their case, they would be talking to him/her, not to you.
Great discussion…
James, again, I completely resonate with your ethics.
I would like to add one more way to respond to a client’s request for information about someone who is not present or has not given permission to be read for…
What I might say in the case that a client asks if someone is cheating, etc.:
I notice that you may be feeling some doubt about your relationship. Giving a “yes” or “no” answer may not be as helpful as if we use the cards to support you to feel stronger about yourself. How about if we see what kind of guidance the cards have for YOU at this time?
This redirect works every time. I find this to be a deeper, more compassionate way to support the client. It does not focus on the drama, but puts the responsibility back on the client to make the best decisions, purely for his/her higher self.
Hope this helps…
Katrina
Yes, that sounds like another very good approach.
Thanks for sharing it.
James
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And for Helen, a 3rd party turning up in a querent’s reading as an influence/presence is not the same as doing a reading specifically about that 3rd party.
I do know that Vivianne:-), my point is be careful how you word your code of ethics.