Ask KnightHawk — Miss Split Heart
I am in a relationship that is good, if a bit passionless. The problem is that although I respect my partner a lot, I have fallen hopelessly in love with another man, but he is older than I am and lives in another country. He reciprocates my feelings, but I’m still afraid that I may be deluding myself and chasing the wind. I know that eventually I’ll have to choose, so what do I need to know before deciding?
Thank you so much for any help you can give me!
Miss Split Heart
Dear Miss Split Heart,
Thank you for requesting a reading to guide you at this delicate time. Here are the cards I dealt:
Card 1 (Major Arcana Card for Spiritual advice) – The Tower
Card 2 (Court Card for traits to develop or emphasize) – Knight of Coins
Card 3 (PIP card for suggested action) – Nine of Wands
This is one of those interesting times for me as a Tarot reader where I had an initial reaction to the question of the reading that the message in the cards disagreed with. My first thought when I read your question was that you should stick with the person you are in a relationship with instead of running off with someone else. However, I realize that my own reactions may reflect my own prejudices on a topic, and I know that the cards relay a depth of wisdom greater than mine. So I always try to set aside my own “answers” before I read the cards to see the Tarot’s response.
As I read these cards, I saw a lot of sadness and longing. The second and third cards especially indicate a yearning for something more, something better in life. So I saw that this reading is more about your general relationship patterns than it is about a choice between these two specific relationships.
To see more about this, though, let’s look at each of these cards individually.
The Tower can represent a situation that gives us a false sense of security, such as a relationship that may be safe but joyless. On the surface, then, that seems to suggest advice to leave your current relationship. However, that false sense of security can also relate to your relationships in general. In addition, the Tower can refer to “shaky foundations,” and in this reading, what I see is that finding a firmer foundation for your relationships is what is important for you at this time.
So as a source of spiritual advice, this card’s message is more complex than just an answer to a “this guy or that?” question. It asks you to reevaluate your approach to relationships in general, and one way to do that is to consider how they support your spiritual journey. Consequently, you might want to ask yourself some of these questions:
Do you use relationships to fill an empty place in your heart? This question reminds me of a wonderful quote:
“Saying you love someone when you don’t love yourself is like a naked person offering someone a shirt.” (Source unknown)
It’s important to know that we find relationships that are positive and successful when we seek them because we have something to share and not because we need something to complete us.
Do you want your relationships to give you security in your life? You need to find that sanctuary within yourself first, and rediscovering your spiritual core will provide that firm foundation. This leads to another question: Do you generally allow your relationships to support and nurture your spiritual journey? Our relationship are not the end of our quest, they are a means to continue our journey.
Knight of Coins:
This knight is strong, self-reliant, and dependable. He is slow to make a commitment, but once he does, he will keep it because he is loyal and trustworthy. These are qualities that the Knight of Coins advises you to nurture within yourself at this time.
Nine of Wands:
This card indicates a wound from your past that has caused you to become overly guarded against being wounded again. As a result, it expands upon the message of the Tower card in that it suggests that you are trapped behind a wall that you have built to protect yourself. But this wall doesn’t protect you in your relationships; it isolates you from them. Also, this card indicates the perspective that “the grass is always greener on the other side of that wall,” so to speak. But if you don’t change your perceptions of yourself and your relationships, moving to the other side of that wall (i.e., moving to another relationship) will not help, because the problem is not the grass, it’s your perspective of it.
As for what this card suggests you can do, let me begin by noting that it suggests the old adage, “That which doesn’t kill us can make us stronger.” But the value of our difficult experiences lies in what we do with them. Do we learn and grow as a result of them so that we may become stronger and wiser? This choice is ours to make.
So this card suggests that you take some time to think about the problems and setbacks you have experienced in past relationships. Then consider what you can learn from them. How might you have handled them differently? What lessons can you learn from them and how can you apply that knowledge to your current circumstances?
This sort of inner searching and learning will answer your questions of today as well as serve as a good foundation for your relationship experiences of tomorrow. And once you have mastered this advice, I think you’ll find the Nine of Wands’ contra-positive card, the Two of Cups, on the other side of that wall of wands.
To help you in this situation, I would like to leave you with the following affirmations, which are adapted from my book, Tarot Affirmations. (You can read more about using affirmations with Tarot cards in a prior blog post.) Feel free, of course, to pick and choose among them and to adjust them to suit yourself.
The first affirmation is based on the Tower card:
I am excited about breaking down the emotional walls around my heart and opening up to other people.
The next one reflects an important characteristic of the Knight of Coins:
I always faithfully honor my commitments.
The last affirmation will help you act upon the advice of the Nine of Wands:
I learn from my mistakes and grow wiser and stronger as a result.
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