Three of Swords — Spiritual Message of the Day
“We are not troubled by things, but by the opinions that we have of things.” – Epictetus
In a prior blog post about the Three of Swords I talked about how holding on to thoughts of resentment hurts us far more that the original offending act against us. Here’s a similar take on this topic, but with a slightly different twist.
This card reminds me of the message in Byron Katie’s book Who Would You Be Without Your Story? Katie tells us that it’s not the world that causes us suffering, and it’s not other people. It’s our own beliefs about the world and about other people; it’s our own stories about them that cause us suffering.
Despite this, we hold onto those stories, and we do so with a rather fierce tenacity. Why is that? If these thoughts cause us so much pain and suffering, why do we cling to them? There are a variety of reasons, such as:
• Holding on to them makes us feel superior. We like to think that other people do bad things, but we’re better than that.
• It means our problems are not our fault. “It’s their fault.”
• These thoughts are familiar territory. Letting go of them would take us into unknown territory, which is frightening.
• Thinking these thoughts is a habit that’s hard to break. The dark stories we keep thinking about are like a rut in a road that our minds fall back into easily.
• These stories are barriers that our ego sets up to keep us separate from each other. Without them we would realize our oneness with everyone else, which is a threatening concept for the ego.
• Our egos hate to say “I was wrong.” We’ve held onto these stories for a long time, so releasing them would force us to admit that we were wrong. Worse yet, it may force us to admit that we’ve been unfair to someone else, which means we weren’t superior after all. The suffering of our fear and anger is easier to take than that humiliation of admitting our error.
• Often these thoughts make us angry, which gives us an adrenaline rush. So holding onto them is a form of drug addiction.
How can you discover where there’s a dysfunctional story at work in your life? A feeling like being stabbed in the heart is a sure sign, but essentially, wherever there is anger, hate, and fear, there’s a dysfunctional story. Where there is peace, joy, and love, there’s authentic vision.
So today, think about what story causes you suffering. For example, “My mother didn’t love me,” or “John treats me unfairly.” Then try to see why you hold onto that story. What do you get out of it, and what does it cost you in pain and suffering? (For more help in learning how to let go of your story, I refer you to Byron Katie’s book) When you see your story as untrue—even if only to some extent—you can start living more in a way that arises from your soul and less in a way that is from your ego.
Finally, remember that we all behave badly sometimes because of our stories. Everyone has painful personal myths that they believe are true and that make them act from ego instead of from Spirit. So when other people act negatively and irrationally, keep that in mind. Of course, it’s not up to us to judge them or to compel them to fix their stories—we have enough of our own to deal with—but it is up to us to have some sympathy, understanding, and compassion for them when they act badly.
Yep, good observation once again, James. This post reminds me of a book I am currently reading “Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life” by Thich Nhat Hanh, whom you have mentioned in previous posts, which is part of the reasons I picked up one of his books, so thanks for that, I am enjoying it! …Simple, yet profound.
I am in the part where he is talking about breathing into one’s anger, acknowledging it has become a part of us as we breath out, breathing in calming energy, and sitting with our meditation in an effort to identify the roots of our reaction. His thought is if we ignore it or gloss it over, it will just return. But if we can identify the cause, we will with time be able to transform our reaction to one of understanding and compassion.
He has been emphasizing that breathing is the key. He compares out mindfully breathing to sunlight falling upon a budding flower. Eventually it can’t help but bloom, and if we continue to breathing mindfully we cannot help but find understanding and compassion. It is simply a matter of time. And before breathing, he has been emphasizing the important of remaining mindful. Ideally all the time, but start with what you have, and build from there (whew!)
I’d guess I have been making an effort to remain mindful for a year or two now. My awareness of this comes and goes, but even so I can say that for me the act of being mindful really does help me when I fall into lower consciousness, acting out — ok, tantrums!
heheh. I find that the part of me which is observing my behavior ends up chuckling at me, and that helps to snap me out of it.
Thank you for your thoughts about this, Erik! Nice additions.