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Ask KnightHawk — Sexless Relationship

August 6, 2010

Dear KnightHawk,
My partner and I have been together for over a year now and in that time, we have become very close and are very happy. Everything feels perfect and we both are in it for the long haul. However, our relationship has been sexless since our first month together. He is on medications that have dropped his sex drive to nothing, but I have found that I have no problems with this and neither does he. I’m satisfied with non-sexual intimacy with him, so my concern is in dealing with society at large. We are bombarded with movies and talk show hosts and therapists saying that sexless relationships are “dead” or “need fixing”. I don’t feel our relationship is abnormal, but I fear that our culture and its constant expectations about our personal sex lives may make us feel that our relationship is somehow inferior and drive a wedge between us. So my question is this:
“What advice can the cards give us to help us survive the challenges of having a no-sex relationship in the midst of a society that seems to judge relationships based on a sexual scorecard?”
Sexless and happy

Dear Sexless and happy,

Thank you for trusting me to do a reading for you about this delicate question. Here are the cards I dealt for you:

The Star -- Tarot of the MastersYouth of Cups -- Tarot of the Masters . Three of Wands -- Tarot of the Masters

Card 1 (Major Arcana Card for Spiritual advice) – The Star
Card 2 (Court Card for traits to develop or emphasize) – Youth of Cups
Card 3 (PIP card for suggested action) – Three of Wands

First, let me note a general impression that I get from these cards, which is that all three of them have a meditative quality. I will discuss this in more detail below. Now, as for the individual cards …

The Star:

The Star is a card of peace, tranquility, and serenity. It suggests that you not let the expectations and judgments of others affect you. Rise above them. Learn to maintain your serenity when faced with troubling situations like this. This is an important spiritual lesson that all of life’s challenges help us learn, but it is especially relevant to what you are experiencing.

A specific suggestion that I see in this card is for the two of you to consider taking a shared spiritual journey, even if that is just for you two to take up meditation.

Youth of Cups:

This card urges you to keep in mind that what’s important is that you listen to the whispered wisdom of your heart, not to what other people say. It also asks you to remain curious about the beautiful mysteries of love and to explore them together with your partner, and it suggests staying open and receptive to new and unexpected things in your relationship. (All of this may be facilitated by the spiritual journey indicated by the Star card.)

In addition, this card portends an emotional awakening in which you will find new ways of exploring your intimacy. The following is from my book-in-progress, Tarot and Your Spiritual Path:

When we learn to explore our relationships with the unconditional love of a child, we will find them to be full of wonder, excitement, and delight.

This is just as true for you as it is for anyone else, regardless of their relationship’s “sexual scorecard.”

Three of Wands:

There is an air of easy confidence to the Three of Wands. It tells you to stay above this “controversy” and not let yourselves get dragged down into it. Also, this card advises that you maintain a broader perspective about your relationship and keep in mind the big picture.  After all, there is so much more to a relationship than sex, right?

We can also view this card’s message in light of its numerological and elemental attributes.  The number THREE is about creativity, and the suit of Wands is about passion, so the inference we can draw here is that there are other types of passion that you can draw upon if you are willing to approach this idea creatively. Recall the suggestion of the Star card to embark upon a shared spiritual journey. Many people find great passion in their spiritual pursuits.


To help you in this situation, I would like to leave you with the following affirmations, which are adapted from my book, Tarot Affirmations. Feel free, of course, to pick and choose among them and to adjust them to suit yourself.

The first one is inspired by the Star card:
I am calm, tranquil, and at peace about our relationship.

Next is one based on the Youth of Cups:
I am learning to listen to the wisdom of my heart.

And finally, here is one from the Three of Wands:
I ignore the naysayers because I know that our relationship will succeed.

Bright Blessings,



“Ask KnightHawk” Readings:  If you would like to get an “Ask KnightHawk” reading from me, click on the Ask KnightHawk tab at the top of the page for more information. And if you would like to read a collection of KnightHawk readings for mythical, fictional, and historical figures, you will love my books Tarot Reading Explained and Tarot: Get the Whole Story.

Tarot Deck:  The deck used for this reading was my own Tarot of the Masters which you can only purchase from me. 

Private Readings:  Note that I offer private readings that are more in-depth.  They can be on the telephone, via Skype, using email, or in person (if you are in the Los Angeles area.)  For more information about that, see my reading services page.

Archives:  To see past “Ask KnightHawk” readings, see the KnightHawk Readings Index page.


Disclaimer: A Tarot reading is not a substitute for medical, psychological, financial, or legal counseling.  For such advice, please consult a qualified professional. The information provided in a Tarot reading is not legally binding and the Tarot reader assumes no legal liability for any damages, losses, or other consequences of any client decisions or actions, subsequent to, or based on, this service.

  1. Synchronicity at work…the 3 of Wands affirmation could not have been more appropriate. Lovely question and delightful reading.

  2. David permalink

    The last card, the 3 of Wands, is about the coming of the Light into a relationship or into the consciousness of the individuals concerned. Your interpretive reading was wonderful, it shed Light on to a situation of concern to the querent who has been unsettled by the prevailing cultural concept of what a human relationship should entail. Sex is not the end of all of a committed relationship. When both partners see the “Star” of the other, the Light that surrounds them will be enough to bond them in a truly caring, loving and in-depth relationship.

  3. Lovely reading, thank you for sharing it! I think this couple will succeed following the advice because beyond the “lack of sex” I understand they are really committed to each other and that is harder to find and sustain than the “perfect lover”.

  4. Sync sync sync I really needed to hear that insert under the youth of cups from your new book..
    Very nice I enjoyed reading
    Thank you

  5. Donnaleigh, David, Flavio, Rana … Thanks everyone for the nice comments on this reading!

  6. Karen Borusiewicz permalink

    A beautiful reading from these cards.

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