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Ask KnightHawk — Unhappy daughter

September 26, 2010

Dear KnightHawk,

My father is an 80-year-old widower who is now involved with a very controlling woman. My brother and I and our families have tried very hard to be open and accommodating to this woman because we know our father is lonely, but she has repeatedly hurt and alienated us with her offensive behavior. So we told our father that she is not welcome at family activities anymore. I have searched my heart and meditated about this, and I feel miserable. Have I done my best to resolve this problem?  Does the Tarot have any advice to help me move forward for everyone’s best and highest good?
An unhappy daughter


Dear Unhappy Daughter,

Thank you for requesting the Tarot’s advice for this difficult situation.  Here are the cards I dealt for you followed by their advice.

Tower card -- Tarot of the Masters . King of Cups -- Tarot of the Masters . Seven of Wands -- Tarot of the Masters

Card 1 (Major Arcana Card for Spiritual advice) – The Tower
Card 2 (Court Card for traits to develop or emphasize) – King of Cups
Card 3 (PIP card for suggested action) – Seven of Wands

First of all, a general message that I see here is that you need to better understand your father’s feelings and his relationship in order to find the correct path to take in this situation. If we consider these three cards as a storyboard, we see that your father has suffered a terrible loss, but as he has looked toward moving on and repairing his love life, he has been confronted by resistance from his family, which has caused him great distress.

As for the individual messages of the cards, see the following comments:

The Tower:

The first thing I see with this card is that the essence of this conflict between your father’s girlfriend (for lack of a better term) and the rest of the family is at an ego level. You and your brother are very sensitive to the offenses you feel coming from this woman since you feel displaced in your father’s heart and life. This makes these offenses feel more wounding than they really are.

There is also the added problem that having told your father that his girlfriend will no longer be welcome at family gatherings, you have placed your pride on the line now. Any change to your position will feel like capitulation, and your ego will resist considering that.  But often the best spiritual advice is the hardest advice for our egos to take because it challenges their supremacy in our lives. Please keep that in mind as you read the rest of what the Tarot has to say here.

King of Cups:

This king is compassionate and generous in his relationships, and he has the ability to remain calm in the midst of emotionally turbulent situations. His advice to you is to maintain control of your emotional responses in this situation so that you can deal with your father and his girlfriend with tact and diplomacy.

Also, the King of Cups in this reading indicates your father (King …) since the issue here is his romantic relationship (… of Cups). So another bit of advice from this card is to find out how your father feels about this whole situation.  I know you have talked to him about it, but this time just listen to what he has to say about it carefully and non-judgmentally — and be sure to listen with your heart.

Seven of Wands:

An interesting message that I see in this card is that you need to try to understand that this woman feels hurt and alienated too. It may take the compassion of the King of Cups for you to truly understand this, but it’s important to see how she might feel like she is “one against many” as she has entered your father’s life. With that in mind, this card has a suggestion for something you can do. Instead of engaging this woman in large family activities, maybe things will go better if you arrange to spend time with her and your father in a smaller, less formal setting.  For example, maybe you can invite them to stop by for a cup of coffee or tea sometime.

Four of Cups from Tarot of the MastersIn support of this message, let’s also consider the contra-positive card for the Seven of Wands: the Four of Cups. This suggests a need to balance the defensiveness of the Seven of Wands with the emotional patience indicated by the Four of Cups. See how you can incorporate that message into the way you are dealing with this situation.

Finally, the Seven of Wands also refers back to the challenge indicated by the Tower: to sublimate your ego as you reconsider your current course of action in this situation. This card advises you to face this challenge with courage and self-confidence.


To help you in this situation, I would like to leave you with the following affirmations, which are adapted from my book, Tarot Affirmations. (You can read more about using affirmations with Tarot cards in a prior blog post.)  Feel free, of course, to pick and choose among them and to adjust them to suit yourself.

First, here are a couple based on the Tower card:
I exhibit modesty in my attitude toward the people in my life.
I am willing to question what I believe about other people.

The next two work well for the King of Cups:
I am calm and in control of my emotions.
I handle all my relationships with tact and diplomacy.

The last one comes from the Seven of Wands:
I face challenges in my life with courage and confidence.

Bright Blessings,



“Ask KnightHawk” Readings:  If you would like to get an “Ask KnightHawk” reading from me, click on the Ask KnightHawk tab at the top of the page for more information. And if you would like to read a collection of KnightHawk readings for mythical, fictional, and historical figures, you will love my books Tarot Reading Explained and Tarot: Get the Whole Story.

Tarot Deck:  The deck used for this reading was my own Tarot of the Masters which you can only purchase from me. 

Private Readings:  Note that I offer private readings that are more in-depth.  They can be on the telephone, via Skype, using email, or in person (if you are in the Los Angeles area.)  For more information about that, see my reading services page.

Archives:  To see past “Ask KnightHawk” readings, see the KnightHawk Readings Index page.


Disclaimer: A Tarot reading is not a substitute for medical, psychological, financial, or legal counseling.  For such advice, please consult a qualified professional. The information provided in a Tarot reading is not legally binding and the Tarot reader assumes no legal liability for any damages, losses, or other consequences of any client decisions or actions, subsequent to, or based on, this service.

  1. Davina permalink

    this was not an easy one to do, as you have rightly shown we can misjudge situations and see ourselves as slighted when if we look below the surface – we need to acknowledge our own role or actions. And putting that aspect across but without causing the person receiving the reading to take offence, or feel they are not being understood is not easy. You have I think been firm but very fair. He really has been caught in the middle, and is trying to keep everyone happy by the looks of it. Not easy to do, and with the way he is facing, the family need to be aware they really do run the risk of alienating him unnecessarily. This is one of the best readings I think you have done – you have so hit the nail on the head on all levels (ego, emotional etc). Not to say the other readings haven’t been as good, but I think you will know what I mean 😀 Difficult area but tackled very well.

  2. James, great job on this reading. It is easy to misjudge someone in such a situation. It’s quite possible that the woman is trying so hard to be accepted that she’s coming off as controlling.

    Hope everything works out Unhappy Daughter.

  3. Thanks Cher!

    By the way, I must reiterate that it is WordPress itself, not I, who chooses the list of “Possibly related posts” that you find above the comment section. It is a horrible irony that the following one is listed:
    “Father Kills 22-Year-Old Pregnant Daughter in Honor Killing”

    I have no idea how the WP computer came up with that one.


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