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Tarot and relationships — Part 2: Tarot Affirmations

October 5, 2010

Last week, in my first post dedicated to Tarot and Relationships, I presented a technique for healing troublesome relationships using a guided visualization with a Tarot card.  This week, I’m going to present suggestions for how to solve relationship issues using Tarot Affirmations.

First, a quick review:

1.  Problems with our relationships help us see problems within ourselves, and when we fix those internal problems, we inevitably improve our ability to have positive relationships.

2.  The only variable you can change is you. If your existing relationship is problematic, you can’t change your partner.  If you are not in a relationship and you have trouble finding someone suitable, you can’t change everyone else.

3.  The hardest person to do a reading for is you, especially when the reading is for a relationship question. This is because your ego has such a great investment in how you interpret the cards. So I am presenting a few ways to use the cards that trick your ego and conscious mind into not interfering with the messages of the cards.


Here now is a process for using a Tarot card to find (or create) an affirmation to help you heal your relationships.


Pick a card.

Here are a few suggestions for how to choose a card to use:

1.  The rational method — Think about which card is best related to the kind of affirmation you want to create. For example, for relationship issues you might want to use the Two of Cups or the Lovers.

2.  The intuitive method — Go through your deck, cards face up, until you find a card that “feels right,” i.e., that calls to you for this purpose.

RWS 2.0 Eight of Wands3.  The divinatory method — If you are feeling daring, shuffle and deal yourself a card to use.  Note that you might want to deal a card until you come to one that has a person depicted on it. The Eight of Wands, for example, might be too great a challenge.

My suggestion, especially for first-timers, is this — Use a Court Card that you think depicts the qualities you want to develop in order to be better able to find or hold onto a relationship or to become a better person in your current relationship. Or if you want to know how to find a relationship, you might want to use the Two of Cups, the Empress, or the Lovers card.


Evaluate the card.

Think about this card for a while to discover deeper meanings for it. Even if you consciously chose this card for some specific reason, inevitably there are even more reasons why it will work effectively for you than you originally realized.

There are various ways to ponder a card: You can review any notes you may have written about this card or you might want to read what your favorite Tarot book says about it. Or you can do a guided visualization into the card. Or you can ask yourself questions about it, such as “What qualities does this card suggest I may need to cultivate in order to solve my relationship problems?”

After you’ve done this, create a short list of the most important qualities or conditions that this card suggests would help you with your relationship issues.


Create an Affirmation.

An affirmation is a positive statement that you already have something or some quality that you want.  It is in First Person, Present tense. So now, based some of the qualities you listed, create an affirmation that says that you have them. For example, The Empress might suggest one of these affirmations to you:

“I am nurturing in my relationships”
“I treat other people with sympathy, kindness, and compassion.”
“I am ready for a warm, supportive, and satisfying relationship.”


Tarot of the Masters -- Lovers cardThe following excerpt from my book, Tarot Affirmations, presents an example of how someone might use the Lovers card for this purpose:


One way to view the Tarot of the Masters Lovers card is to consider the three main figures as differing facets of ourselves. Everyone is part virtue and part vice, and we are constantly called upon to choose which aspect to express. We are also called upon to choose which one we want to see in the people around us. Perhaps a higher choice is to recognize both aspects in them, and then to love them anyway, which is a non-judgmental love. These thoughts lead to the following affirmations.

I am aware of my virtues, and I choose to act based upon them.
I choose to focus on the virtues of other people rather than on their vices.
I love other people without judging them.

You may want to rephrase the third of the above affirmations to make it refer to your significant other specifically. For example:

I love John exactly as he is.


Use the Affirmation.

Repeat the affirmation at least three times, several times each day.  This is especially effective if you do it right before going to sleep and immediately upon waking up in the morning. At those times, the veil between your waking, conscious mind and your sleeping, unconscious mind is thinnest.


Final Notes:

I generally try to use affirmations that are practical, attainable, and actionable, such as “I am staying focused on achieving my goals,” rather than simple feel-good ones, which can elicit a negative reaction in some people. After all, nothing destroys the positive effects of an affirmation like “I am a terrific person” faster than a sneering little voice inside your head responding, “No you’re not; you’re completely worthless.”

For some people, “feel-good affirmations” work quite well, but it is up to you to judge what is effective for you and what isn’t. If you find that you are reacting badly to an affirmation, by all means, don’t use it. Find another that works better for you. For example, instead of “I am lovable” you might use “I am improving my relationship skills,” which is more actionable than feel-good. Or you might use an affirmation that accentuates positive relationship skills that you already have or that are attainable for you, such as “I am generous and nurturing in my relationships.”


For a much more extensive look at using affirmations with Tarot cards, see my book, Tarot Affirmations.









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